When appraisers get together, there’s an inclination to talk about past inspection stories that were funny, weird, or just interesting. Here’s a couple of mine.
A bank from New York asked me to appraise a golf course that was in default. During the inspection, I was driving around the property and realized something. Then I started laughing hysterically.
The borrower built a fake golf course in the woods. He mowed out a tee box, fairway and green, even added faux sand traps for effect. In pictures, it looked like a legitimate hole. But in reality there was nothing. No irrigation, no utilities, no infrastructure. Just grass and a collateral of dirt.
Another story comes to mind. An office building inspection. When I walked in, there was a striking Russian woman, barely dressed, seated alone at a single desk in the center of a vast, empty space. No carpet. No décor. Just concrete. It felt like Jason Bourne was somewhere nearby.
I asked if I could take photos of the second and third floors. She looked at me expressionless and said “no” in a thick Russian accent. I told her it might affect the property’s valuation if I couldn’t complete my walkthrough. With no emotion, no affect, she replied in a Slavic fatalistic tone: “Do what you must.”
A third story that comes to mind was a “church” property. I knocked at noon and a large man in underwear, clearly just out of bed, opened the door. He was my contact person. As I’m inspecting the property, I noticed a small 6’ x 6’ dance floor with a disco ball. I said, “What’s that?” He said, they sometimes have church parties.
Not really paying attention. I just continued to take pictures. Then I noticed rooms full of World War II army cots separated by mosquito netting with numerous cameras in each of the corners. I wasn’t sure what was going on.
That night, the same “church” was on the evening news. Police cars, flashing lights, the whole deal. Turns out my subject was ground zero for a human trafficking ring, drug den and voyeurism network.
Just another day in the life of an appraiser.
What’s your story?